Oh! My! God! Does it
feel good to be back and blabbing! Taping the trap shut has been traumatic, I
tell you! Have you noticed the exclamation marks?!? Intended to illustrate how
excited I am! May I begin with how much I missed you? I was this close to curling
up cocoon-style and crying. Okay, that was a tad OTT, but there was a tinge of
truth to that. The grapevine’s been gushing with gossip, guys and gals, and
God, have I gathered some juicy, jaw-dropping gems! Now do you get why I was so
desperate? I’ve been dying to dish! I’ve also been dying to sleep like it’s
going out of style, but that’s a separate story.
On a side-note, I swear I’ll stop adding exclamation marks
to everything...soon!
Honestly, this hiatus was like being hit by a hurricane. I’m
weak and worn out and want to whine. The upside is I have an amazingly awesome
alibi for going AWOL. Come to think of it, there’s a couple. Care to count?
Let’s begin with my best friends wed a week apart, which
obviously entailed attending at least a million events. And what is a shaadi without some shor-sharaaba, right? Cue the music and move over Maroon 5 ‘cause I’ve
got the moves like Jagger. Courtesy Kallu the choreographer, I am capable of
cutting a rug to over a dozen desi dance numbers. Also, blatantly badgering my
brother-in-law to get betrothed finally bore fruit. He traded his freedom for a fabulous fiancée!
In other news, the husband and I hosted a pre-nuptial party for our pals. And
an extremely exciting Elmo-themed event for our baby’s first birthday. Oh, and
there was our anniversary. And dare I forget that daunting deadline. The
pressure of putting Hunger & Haw Hai’s first published feature was fierce.
UPDATE: Between the time
that I began typing this out, till now, I’ve also hosted a laugh-out-loud
ladies night. Now, I generally don’t gush about my girls, but I’m going with my
gut and saying it anyways; I have a great gang! Hilarious, hot-headed homies! Additionally,
I’ve attended another engagement, followed by an afternoon affair to applaud
the affianced. Shout out, Juggan Kazim; may you always be blessed and
beautiful! For the record, I’ve resolved to remain under the radar for the rest
of the year.
You know, the husband asks me the same question every
weekend. Stay in or step out? Pardon me, my prince, but you're well aware that
that's like asking me to pick between poison and Parisian pastries. A
no-brainer. Slacking off is higher on my to-do list than socializing. Seriously,
I’d sooner have my throat slit than spend Saturday night at some snotty soiree.
Here's why; I am in utter violation of several sacred social
standards. For starters, I'm probably doomed beyond redemption for recycling
clothes. Also, I'd rather have a hernia than go through the horror of having my
hair done. And blah-blah banter makes me want to say bye-bye before I can
blink.
But back in the day, I was the master of March madness and
so I made a highly unprecedented move. I committed my calendar to being social
and on the scene.
By the way, this time was a brand new ballgame. The thing
is, at my best, I’m elusive; at all other times I’m almost impossible to track
down, but Section 1.1 of my crew’s Code of Conduct frowns furiously upon
flakiness. And if my calculations are correct, I have a grand total of five
friends and, frankly, I’d like to keep them close thus, blowing off besties was
not an option. And so I sucked it up, spazzing at the sudden switch from wet-blanket
to wild-thang.
I felt like I was perpetually primping for a party.
On the other hand, and I honestly don’t know how he does it,
but the husband has this enviable ability to transform into a teenager at will.
And nothing ups the ante like being aided and abetted by an entire entourage of
Aitchisonians. Even I’ll admit their energy can be quite infectious.
I must also mention that my man was so moved by the moment,
he managed to get his hands on a mic, making himself the MC at multiple mehendis. Hype, humor, hullabaloo; he hit it out of the
park. In fact, he did such a raging job that one reviewer raved he could give
Ryan Seacrest a run for his money. Of
course, my counterpart is clueless about who Ryan Seacrest is, but somehow that’s
not a shocker. Bless your innocence and enthusiasm, baby. Boo-Yah!
Anyways, at long last it’s over. I shall now head back to
hibernating and being a hermit.
Oh wait, something slipped. Something saucy, something
scandalous! I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with an S.
